Addicted to Freedom

I've been back in the U.S. more than a month. I'm not sure exactly why my blog entries dropped off, except that when I feel truly alive and every moment excites me, I tend to spend less time reliving and recounting the past. This also occurs in times of major life-shifts. I've experienced both in the last six weeks. When I considered what type of life I would be creating for myself here, it was suddenly liberating to realize that I could create that life ANYWHERE. I could find a job and rent a small apartment on any continent in the world. This led to a moment of expansion as I realized that I'm not just living as an American anymore. I'm living as a world resident. There are reasons for me to stay in my present location, where I have support and where there is a bit of familiarity as I test out this new reality. But every piece of the familiar that I add back to my life, and every new addition, is subject to it's ability to fit with who I am. I recognize that what was missing in my life before was CONGRUENCE. I talked all the time about what I wanted, what I dreamed of, what I hungered for. And there were surges of energy to fight for it and against what was holding me back. But I couldn't see where I was avoiding setting boundaries or taking positive action or eliminating what was in my way. It was easy to distract myself from admitting that I'm not living the way I would like to. I abused the abundance I had.
Recently I found myself asking for the things that I want in my life as I have done thousands of times before. But this time it felt different, because it was though a part of me stood back and asked, "If you receive all this from the world, what does the world get for it? What will you give back? Why should you have this life?" It wasn't a question of worthiness and whether I deserved what I was asking for, but more a question of knowing that this can easily be provided for me, but it has to be put to good use in order to continue.
After the taste of freedom and complete unlimited liberty that I have had, instead of asking for what I want, I've begun to ask that I be given the courage and shown the way to pay the price of knowingly living that life now. Because to me, that is the beginning of everything. Free from any need to live in a way that is outside of my truest self and happiness, aligned with my truth and integrity, produces nothing but energy that will benefit the world.